I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
