He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
