That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think my fart just growled at me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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