Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
