He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
