no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
