please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
