Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
