They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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