we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
