Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
