With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hippo gnu deer
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
