You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
