ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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