yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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