Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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