how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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