Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This is my gift to your gina
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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