So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
