i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
