Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
