What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
