i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
