Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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