Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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