I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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