"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
