Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
