I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
