butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
