My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
