I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
