Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
