Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
