WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
