totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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