you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
