90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
