Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
