I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
