shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
