Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up under a house in Key West
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
