soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
