Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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