Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
