Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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