we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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