I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
