So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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