If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
