Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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