I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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