ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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